A Watering Place

You've seed a switch-off in the road, 
     Adown inter the gutter,
And turned to ax of one as knowed
What for the silly nuddles go'd
     A-pulchin' in there arter?
And got this arnser, I'll be blow’d,
     "That ar's a pless to water!

Wal! I've been to a waterin' pless, 
     And din't know when I got thr!
But when I cum away I guess| 
They know'd it! ef I didn't bless T
     hem swine-dlers as I ought to!
You'd thunk the whole etarnal mess
     Wuz gittin' in hot water.

We went inter the surf to swash, 
     And sech a surf-fit caught th’r 
I thort I shud a-drown'd, by gosh!
In nasty weeds, and sand, and slosh,
     An' stuff of that ere sort th’r.
A Waterin' Place! Neow that's all bosh!
     There warnt no ra-al water!

They had a rope-walk, and in that 
     A lot of dough-pins sot th’r,
As they rolled wooden punkins at, 
And dough-heads knocked the dough-pine flat, 
     And called the work a sort a 
Remuzement, while the sweat and fat
     Sizzled like fire and water!

And when night come, they wouldn't stop,
     But kep' a-gitting hotter,
In what they called a jump or "hop,"
A darn sight wuss work than to chop
     Old snags for oven-fodder;
It make their stick-up dickey slop, 
     Jes' like they'd been in water!

Big felleys with mouse-taches stout
     As Sal's stove-brush I bought her, 
Were duin' ther best to git about 
Bare-necked gals a-slipping out 
     Of a slazy skeeter cotcher!
I vum! thinks I, them gals, no doubt,
     Are going int' the water!

But not the chaps, by a long shot!
     They had their bottles sot ther',
To cool 'em ef they got too hot, 
It smelt there like you'd kind o got
     In th' shop of some Apot'a-
Cary   or anything but what,
     You'd call a pless to water!

Then when you come to go to bed,
     It wa’nt no easy matter—
Clean up six flights the dunkeys led 
This suff’rer, till he chucked his head
     Agin the chimbley mortar.
In a chist wher' one top-scuttle shed, 
     Sky-light and fresh rain-water.

Long bills, all night, and varment stings 
     Were sticking me like torture;
But wuss the Bill the mornin' brings 
I hadn't sneezed-nor none o'them things—
     But what a charge was brought th’r!
Catch me to go agin! By jings!
     Jest drown me in ditch water!